I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
