omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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