how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
