i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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