So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you could order shots online.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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