he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
