It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No more Irish car bombs ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
