I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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