I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
