this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
