thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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