My sheets look like a crime scene.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
