we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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