i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize