dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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