Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
