Nicole vs. Life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize