Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
