I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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