my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And then my night got REAL pukey
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
