Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
