Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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