What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
