In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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