Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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