Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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