Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
