i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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