She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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