No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
