i think my mom watched the whole time
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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