and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize