I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
