I met the friendliest cop last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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