Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
