the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
