Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
