think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
