Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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