The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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