im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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