I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
