as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
