I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
