areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
