just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
