Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
