I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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