I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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