That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
