Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
