you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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