i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
