im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize