Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
