you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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