walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
