dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
