Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
