even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
