I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
