We're like a lot better than the average bears
...so i touched it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
