I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
