maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
