Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
