some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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