Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
