I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize