My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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