If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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