You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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