She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize