"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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