I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
