You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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