Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
