I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
