I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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