My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize