just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bring money and cleavage
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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