It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
