Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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