my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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